break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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