Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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