I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
