too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
