i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
