You just made me feel so damn special
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
