she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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