we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
