Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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