I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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