Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize