im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
