the day after is always just damage control
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize