if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
