Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You've changed since you got that strap on
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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