hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
