I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
