Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Semen is not good for contacts.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
