I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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