There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
