i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
