youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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