also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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