It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
