I wish I could teleport
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
