Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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