"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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