I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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