Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
