Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
