I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
