so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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