I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
