I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
