and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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