after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
