I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
