was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
