well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I am morally bankrupt
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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