there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
