I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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