I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
