I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
