Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
