Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
