I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize