Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
