Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
