Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
