You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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