I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
