hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
