He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she told me i tasted like america
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize