I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
