So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
