I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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