O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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