kristin has been a bad kristin
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
