Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
