just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
