I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
