Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
