Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
