wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
