I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
