True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
