She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
