I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
even my farts smell like vagina
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
