this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
