You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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