i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
