Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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