He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
