My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
my liver is dry heaving
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
