So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize