I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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