There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
