My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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