the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
