I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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