I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
