yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
