Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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