for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
