Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
