The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
