The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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