her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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