I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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