Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
