I want you more than these girls want KFC
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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