I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
