just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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