I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize