tell your sister to shave her snatch
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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