Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
