Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
