Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
