Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
