i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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