What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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