She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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