Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize