"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
